Play safe or play with fire?

Fire is everywhere

Don’t know…if I were to chose between being the official, lawful wedded one and the mistress,  the secret, the adventure, what would I chose.  Would I play safe or play with fire?

Marriage was never on my agenda, although my parents stayed together until death did them part – my father died several years ago of a heart attack. I guess my mother was somehow happy with the married life but,  as a child, I saw mostly the downsides of it.  She is the kind of woman who can move mountains if she wants but her full-time schedule which included a 9 to 5 job, feeding her husband and her daughter and taking care of the household, left her little if no time to accomplish it. Marriage is a barrier against self-development and progress, I told myself.

I was barely 14 when a young married man, with a pregnant wife, gave me the eye. It was not the idea that all men are cheaters that came to my mind but that all men and women eventually get tired of each other but, for different reasons, they stay together while plunging into parallel existences and live in a lie. I for one,  couldn’t live next to a man whose eyes don’t sparkle with joy, whose heart doesn’t beat faster when he sees me. I couldn’t live with a man who simply got used to me, who stays in a relationship for any other reasons than love, chemistry and passion. I couldn’t live with a man who would be, or said he was too tired in the evening to make love to me. I would go away. I wouldn’t settle for just fine. But that’s just me.

I have the privilege of  knowing  people with great lasting, happy marriages or relationships, as well. I guess they are the lucky ones, who actually found if not the soul mate, at least someone who is very close to it. But in most cases, relationships seem doomed to decay, to boredom and routine. The fire goes out leaving into sight a pile of obligations, bills to be payed, things to be taken care for, fake smiles. I wonder then, again, what’s best: play safe or play with fire?

According to society standards playing with fire is, of course, something infamous, something to be condemned. But then, I ask myself what’s more important: play by some rules people break pretending altogether they respect , or be true to yourself.  Denying  yourself a moment of sheer, pure joy just because society labels it as ‘wrong’ and ‘inapropriate’ or enjoy the gift you are given? Stay within the bounds of a relationship which  is comfortable because this is how it is supposed to be or simply get up and leave when love dies? Don’t we have the right to live life to its fullest? Don’t we have the right to live saying the truth? Don’t we have the right to live free of guilt?

I’m sure we do. In the end, I guess either choice is the right one as long as if reflects the truth inside one’s soul.

Don’t allow  yourself to have a stone in your chest instead of a loving heart ….