The Gift of Trust

By A.G.Billig
Nov 13th, 2017

A couple of years ago, I had a boyfriend who was a weekend DJ. He would spend every Friday and Saturday night surrounded by hot, young chicks who enjoyed dancing Latino music. Although my feet and the dance floor were a good match, I was not the kind of person who enjoyed staying up late or wanted to go out every night. Yet for three years, that’s what I did.

Even when I could barely keep my eyes open, or breathe because of the flu. And no, he wasn’t the love of my life, nor was I driven by a Mother Teresa type of devotion. After the pleasure of swirling and twirling to the rhythm of salsa faded, I morphed into a watchtower. I was there to spy, verify, observe in due time anything that might turn wrong . Chatting, dancing, a brief hug, or a peck on his cheek could have signaled an early bud that would later blossom into an illicit affair.

My fear had less to do with the sometimes more than friendly gestures of the women he had met there long before we knew each other, and mostly with my own insecurities. When I look back at the pictures from that time, I see a beautiful woman, nicely dressed, with sad eyes. It was a sadness I was imposing on myself by indulging into the “not enough mentality.” Not pretty enough, not young enough, not well-dressed enough, and the list could go on. I acted as if he was the only man alive on the planet, and losing him would send me navigating the sea of loneliness for the rest of my life.

The relationship lasted, though, almost six years until we realized we wanted different things in life. However, the time we spent together helped me grow as a woman and taught me a precious lesson, which I want to share with you, my dear friend whether you are a woman or a man.

Until you have trust in yourself you will have a hard time trusting a someone. You need to trust that you are enough, good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, classy enough, successful enough, and allow yourself to be happy and loved. When you trust yourself, your vibration change. You no longer fear losing someone or not rising up to somebody’s expectations. You radiate self-confidence. That’s fiercely sexy. You trust that your lover sees you as the precious jewel that you are, that they appreciate, love, value, and respect you. You trust that they will keep their promises and nurture your relationship.

And if they don’t, your world won’t fall apart. Nor you will try to fix them, or break down and cry. You will move on with a smile, knowing that you are enough.

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